It's 2010, which is read as "twenty ten", not two thousand ten, the former is more concise and its the way movie posters will do it, so everyone will have to accept it as law. Actually, movie posters have already made this decision with "2012". So I guess this didn't need explaining. Unless you were unaware that our dialect is dictated by movie posters, in which case, duh.
ANYWAY, we're now a month into 2010 and I still don't know what to make of the 00's (read: aughts). I know it may be too early to say this, but the aughts might be the most non-descript decade in the history of the world. Is that a bold statement? Possibly. Could we make an argument? Sure. Are we? No.
Instead of the typical decade-in-review I want to address what's happened in 2010 thus far--just like Mark McGwire, I'm not here to talk about the past. Also, like McGwire, I've taken enough steroids to kill all six Ultimate Warriors, spent most of the past decade in a blind Hulk-like rage and am unable to recall anything I've done in the last 20 years.
(Note: I will spend the remainder of this letter talking about the past.)
So far this year the leading story in the world of infotainment has been the debacle at NBC involving it's late night talk show hosts Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien. Since you probably haven't been following this story, let me give you a background on these two entertainers, then I will objectively tell you what happened. Objectively.
Jay Leno:
- A comedian who made his rise during the late 1970's.
- Only known contribution to comedy: pretending to get hit by a car to help end the comic strike of 1979
- Stabbed David Letterman in the back and stole The Tonight Show in 1992
- Consistently sports the Canadian Tuxedo
- Has never made anyone with an I.Q. over 80 laugh
- Became very successful by pandering, delivering jokes in a high pitch squeal, and stealing bits from other comedians.
- Has the world's largest chin
- Wrote for Saturday Night Live from 1987-1991
- Wrote for The Simpsons 1992-1993. (I watched this season recently and it might be the best season ever. It's certainly when they started hitting their stride. Mr. Plow, Marge vs. The Monorail, The Itchy and Scratchy Movie, Wacking Day, A Streetcar Named Marge, Kamp Krusty... I mean the episode list is like a 'Best Of' compilation. O'Brien is given the sole writing credit on three episodes, one of which, Marge vs. The Monorail, is on every Simpson's fan Top 10. I love it because it's hilarious and clever and my middle school once put on the play "The Music Man" so I even understand the references to a 1962 musical--which I've always been strangely proud of.)
- Plucked out of obscurity in 1993 by Lorne Michaels to replace David Letterman as host of The Late Show. In it's 17 year run, Late Night with Conan O'Brien has brought us comedy gold that include: In the Year 2000, Robert Smigel's Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, The Andy vs. Conan staring contests, The String Dance, and of course The Masturbating Bear
- Is known to resemble the President of Finland and actress Tilda Swinton. Despite his debilitating Irish look, he has somehow had a successful career in television.
The point is, Connor, there's a war on comedy and you have to pick a side. I talk a lot about comedy, basically to anyone who will listen and to many who just pretend to listen. Being a child of television, an obsessive student of comedy, and a creature of the night, I became a fan of late night television at a very young age. I think I was about your age when I decided I liked Letterman over Leno. Maybe slightly older. I can still remember trying to stay up for Letterman's Top Ten--then I would flip it over to reruns of Cheers and Night Court. Eventually I was able to stay up even later and I discovered Conan O'Brien. I'd never seen anything like him, he was all over the place physically and his comedy was cerebral and juvenile at the same time. He was a walking cartoon. He was the first comedian I could identify with. So naturally, when I heard he was taking over the Tonight Show and Leno--who I never understood--would be retiring I was overjoyed. I get Conan earlier and Leno disappears. It's a win/win. This however, is not what happened.
Leno lingered around. Conan was put in a position to fail and as a result wasn't his usual self. And in the end, Conan lost his job and Jay Leno took back the Tonight Show. It's the biggest network debacle since the last time they gave Jay Leno the Tonight Show. You can't really blame Leno, he's just looking out for Leno, which is what he's always done and always will do. It's who he is. As for Conan, his dream of hosting the Tonight Show was bitter and short-lived. But he'll be better because of it.
Where's the lesson in all this? That's a good question, Connor. On the surface, it would seem the lesson is look out for your own interests, sell-out to the lowest common denominator, give no thought to how your actions affect anyone else and no matter how lacking you are in talent or ability you will succeed. But let's not judge this book by it's ass-backwards cover.
The truth is, Conan O'Brien has had incredible success. He wasn't given the Tonight Show--or The Late Show for that matter--because he's really good looking (debilitating Irishness) or because his dad hosted the show before him or because he was willing to become the antithesis of comedy to please the retarded American public. His success has come from undeniable talent, hard work, being himself, and always taking the high road. His fans are loyal because we know we can trust him to always challenge us and never talk down to us. And we'll be waiting for him in September when he gets picked up by Fox.
As for Leno and NBC, they'll continue to dumb it down and they'll continue to get the ratings. But who cares, that's got nothing to do with us. Live and Let Be Dumb. In the meantime, I suggest you check out Season 4 of the Simpsons, it's really, really good.
(I was gonna talk more about other news stories: Tiger Woods, The Jersey Shore, Some homeless guy singing about people's pants being on the ground. But I figure in 20 years you'll see Tiger on Sports Center, you'll see President Situation on CNN, and that homeless guy will be dead.)
Also, tell your Aunt Lauren Happy Birthday for me. And give her a nice birthday poop to clean up.
Your Favorite Uncle,
Kevin
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