Beware Stardom, Dude.

Hey Connor,

What's goin' on? I see you've become quite the star of Bucks county, the Prince of Pennsylvania if you will--which is actually the name of a Keanu Reeves movie no one has ever seen, but I found quite enjoyable. You've only been in town for less than a week and I've seen 657 pictures of you on the Internet. It's mostly the same picture where you just sit there. The arms that are holding you change from time to time. Nothing too crazy...yet.

Sure, it's nice to be popular, but you don't want to be over exposed or peak too early. I say this to you because I've seen it happen too many times. Sure we got some great performances from McCauley. Home Alone was the greatest thing a child has ever done, but was it worth him becoming this guy.

And McCauley Culkin isn't even a worst-case scenario. Look at the Lohan, Drew Berrymore, River Pheonix, or the Coreys--to end up like either Corey would be devastating to any pair of arms in those pictures. The list of "Too Much Too Soon" cautionary tales is endless--I don't want to see you on that list.

I suggest you lay low for a while. Let all those pictures sink in. Give those arms a chance to miss you. Lose yourself to find yourself. Grab life by the tail. Grab Wally by the tail. Grab anything you can get your tiny hand around. Just be Connor.

All I'm saying is take a step back from the spotlight. Maybe hire some security to keep the paparazzi at bay. And don't do anything to warrant the paparazzi either (like saying your first word or learning to read and then actually reading this blog). Stay focused on the eating, pooping, and sleeping. I promise all this media attention will calm down, especially if you keep pooping--nobody likes the smelly kid.

Keep it real, Nephew.

Your Favorite Uncle,

Kevin

Welcome to Earth, Nephew!

Dear Connor,

It's me your uncle Kevin--your youngest, and inevitably coolest, uncle. We haven't met yet, but we will, and knowing you, you'll probably forget all about it, but I'll let it slide because you're a baby.

First thing's first--congratulations on being a boy--being a boy is sweet. Life is pretty simple for us boys; right now all you want to do is eat, poop, and sleep--and it doesn't get much more complicated than that.

As your favorite uncle, I feel it's my responsibility to drop knowledge on you whenever I can, so I'll do my best to update this blog to teach you important life lessons like, "Don't Sweat the Petty Things and Don't Pet the Sweaty Things" and "No matter what your father says, it's okay to be upset that he made you a Redskins fan." It's not your fault, Connor...It's not your fault.

That's from Good Will Hunting, it's a pretty good movie, but you probably already knew that.

Let me tell you a little about myself: I'm your mom's brother, I live in Las Vegas--which is a magical place filled with wonderful things that you're not ready to hear about yet, but maybe someday. If you were a girl, you wouldn't be allowed near Las Vegas until your 37th birthday and only with strict supervision--just one of the many perks to being a boy--congratulations again on that by the way.

I'll have to talk to your parents about it, but I'm officially inviting you to Vegas for your 12th birthday.

Anyway, I realize this will probably be a one-sided conversation for a while, so I'll keep writing if you keep being a baby. Deal?

When you're done being a baby I expect you to participate fully, until then I'll do my best to fill your head with nonsensical life lessons and unsound advice.

I'll talk to you soon,

Your Favorite Uncle,

Kevin